You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
