Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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