he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
