I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize