Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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