i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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