Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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