I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Define "chronic" masturbator.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
