If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
