I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
