She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
