He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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