I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
