If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
