when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
