Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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