my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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