I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
