dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
