I need help removing her.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
A bitchslap is in order.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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