meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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