I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
