Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
