don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
