I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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