Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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