you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Every concussion has its silver lining
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
