Soap is not a condiment
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
