The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
