I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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