i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
