u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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