i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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