I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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