Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
