its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
