I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You ruined the universe
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
