I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
