I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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