I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
