And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're like the curious george of whores
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
