omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
