i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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