Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
