Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
