I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
