I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
