She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
