Me. At least after what I've been through.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
