I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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