I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
