Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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