it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize