Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
