FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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