I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
