brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize