I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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