Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
