Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
