He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize