Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
