My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
