in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i think my cat just said my name.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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