So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
