My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
