I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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