omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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