well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
