He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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