This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
