well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize