idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
