Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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