first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
