I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
