Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize