You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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