Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
