There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
