True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i think i just lost a toe
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
