I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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