no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
