hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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